I’ll say it before your thoughts can even gel: I look absolutely batshit in this pic. It’s not because I used Nano Banana to change my hat color from blue to black, and swap the full Ideas for Animals logo to the acronym logo (IFA). It’s simply because I sometimes look batshit.

Net net? Nano Banana (aka Gemini 2.5 Flash Image) crushed the hat color/logo task. And photoshop jockeys are freaking out. This is precisely the kind of news you’d find gathering dust down in your string of unopened emails… If you were NOT an “Inbox 0 Type.”

I first encountered the term “InBox Zero” about four months ago, after musing to a certain someone about how I never have unread emails in my inbox. To which she replied casually, elegantly and beautifully: “You’re an InBox zero.”

I think I passed out for a second. Probably shit my pants. I didn’t know there was a term for this preference, much less a “type.” But I didn’t trip. Cuz I’m not that uptight. Or… AM I? So it got me to thinking. What are the traits that go along with being an Inbox Zero Personality?

So I did the research. And the results are interesting. You’re welcome.

InBox Zero Personalities are generous lovers.

InBox Zero Personalities have supple arteries.

InBox Zero Personalities will swerve to avoid insects.

InBox Zero Personalities have low blood pressure.

InBox Zero Personalities are loved by animals. Even sea animals. And plants. Both plants & animals love people who have no unread emails in their Inbox. This includes babies. Human babies. Even ugly ones.

InBox Zero Personalities never have bad breath. Ever. It’s been proven in Cambridge, I think.

InBox Zero Personalities can slice garlic very small. Rendering special tools for the task completely unnecessary. Eat dicks, Williams-Sonoma.

InBox Zero Personalities wake refreshed after only 90 minutes of sleep.

InBox Zero Personalities have more refined tastebuds than those who keep a crapton of unread emails in their box. They’re also more considerate. I mean, do the damned math.

Here’s the other way to look at this. Some may be InBox Zero because they have a lot less going on. Fewer friends. Shitty teeth. They wear bad pants. Do very little business. Have burned an ass-ton of bridges and are ready to be put out to pasture to play with ostriches and giraffes in some random part of southern Orgeon, on a farm run by old hippies. Which, come to think of it, sounds like a fucking great life. So there’s more reason to be InBox 0.

Does being an Inbox Zero Personality correlate with an uptight vibe, like some jackass who pretty much never misses a day of flossing? Of course it does. This is me. I’m shitty at parties, too. Does any of this have to do with science? Fuck no. Science is SO InBox 789.

Here’s more science. If you can roll through life with 1,457 unread emails in your inbox, I think I love you. Beause it means you’re not like me. You’re an “InBox 1457.” And I’m probably going to be attracted to you beyond reason, words or pheromones. Now look at this picture, directly below. If that was in your InBox, wouldn’t you be glad you opened it? Wait, why does this dog have a gun on his table? BECAUSE HE’S TRYING TO GET HIS INBOX TO ZERO. AND IF YOU FUCK WITH HIM HE’LL SHOOT YOU IN THE THROAT.

Brick & Mortar Work Tip 743: You notice a container of tofu and broccoli in the breakroom fridge. You think, “It’s 2025. There’s AI, robots, we hold our cellphones next a cash register and voila! we paid for some shit. And yet… we still need to eat? WTF? There’s no tip here. Go take a long walk off a short plank.

Challenge my InBox Zero status. Click the button below. Send this newsletter to your entire community on every social media platform, asking them to do the same. Let’s see if the “we” can break the “me.” My vote is it can. But we have to want it. Do you want it? How bad? Party.